thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
