i already hear my dad disowning me
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
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