The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
