The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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