Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just gargled with NyQuil
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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