I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
