I showed him my bush... on skype.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
