he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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