Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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