My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
