Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
