It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
