Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
