and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
