If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
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I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
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And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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