omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
