my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We just shotgunned beers for America
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
