You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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