Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
