Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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