her facebook's as public as her vagina
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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