Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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