why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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