My first STD was from a foam party
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
