Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I can't put those talents on a resume
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
