god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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