i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
