this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
