i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
