Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
