if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
