You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Pooping to opera.
Randomize