his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
