Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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