Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
the condom got lost in my hair
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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