i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
