wakey wakey hands off snakey
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
my liver is dry heaving
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My life is pants optional.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
