let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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