I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
