They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
