i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
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Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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