You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
