nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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