today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
