im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
