There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
