When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
