Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
