Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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