Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
