Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
