you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
