once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
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Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
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I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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