What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
