ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
