pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
