fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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