Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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