Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
