I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
