Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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