I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
