I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
