the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
